Williamsburg condos have turned the world's most misogynistic woman (and her Bacon Provider) into feminists.

Allison is a shitty feminist, as was made abundantly clear by the title. Allison is referring to herself in the third person because this post is being co-written, as was made abundantly clear by this sentence. Anyway, Allison is a shitty feminist, not because she hates women and loves spending her afternoons not working but in the kitchen, but because she lives in a fantasy world where men and women really are seen as equals. She is an idiot. But sometimes the media drags her out of her little lollipop and rainbow filled universe and fills her with feminist-like rage. One instance of this occurred on New Years Day, when Dan and Allison and some of their friends watched eight hours of the Twilight Zone. Have you ever seen the episode where a couple wake up in a strange, fake, empty town that (not so surprisingly) is a girl's doll house? Well, essentially the moral of the story is that if a man gets so drunk that his woman has to drive, you will get abducted by aliens. Who will put you into doll houses. If you think this sounds like fun, let your wife drive.

But we digress. Digressimus. That's Latin for "we digress." The point of this post is to show you this image:

Now, we first saw this image advertising the Northside Piers luxury condo building in Williamsburg, Brooklyn in the January 8-14 issue of Time Out New York. In the actual ad (I was too lazy to find the actual ad, but here is the image) text across the top reads "Willaimsburg's Most Inviting Condominium." 'Inviting' is in orange, a color perhaps chosen to match the woman's bathing suit.

The text at the bottom of the ad highlights some of the features of the building: a relaxing sun deck, rooftop cabanas (who the fuck needs a rooftop cabana in Brooklyn?), fully equipped fitness centers (plural) with yoga room and saunas, etcetera etcetera. Except for your rooftop cabanas (I mean what the fuck?) this is your standard luxury condominium shit.

The image seems to suggest, and not so subtly, that there are some hidden bonuses here. Clearly, if you purchase a condominium in the Northside Piers--studios start at 349,990) You're probably a man. Not only a man but a GIANT man--look at the size of his shoes--and a giant man in a suit. With a briefcase. You are a giant man with a suit and a briefcase, which probably means you are rich. How many hobos/middlemen/deli workers do you see in suits that nice with briefcases? Dan wants to add "Or women that hot," but I have seen some really hot women who made poor dating choices. (See? I told you I was a bad feminist.) Dan wants to add again, "Yeah, but look at her. That type of woman always goes for the rich man. It's in her eyes." Dan is an even worse feminist. That's how we know this advertisement is really that terrible. If it angers us, how will the real feminists react to this crap?

We're digressing again. The point is that this woman is standing in a pool, clutching the ankles of the (headless) giant suit man, who towers over her. The woman's face is practically shouting "Cum on me!" She is looking at his dick. Dan points out that may not be intentional, as this man is so tall that if she were to try to look at his face, she would suffer some serious neck damage. It'd be like watching one of those Imax movies that are on the ceiling from the front row. You also can't help but get the feeling that this woman has been waiting for this man to come home for a while. She probably doesn't work. She probably just put dinner in the oven and is now going to give him his back-from-work blowjob/facial fiesta. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with blowjobs or facials, but this ad is really fucking sexist.

We're gonna go feed the cats now. By the way, we're getting married.