And here is something that will absolutely totally completely improve your quality of life in ten minutes.

This isn't funny or even just amusing, but the hummus I made was so freaking good that I have to share it with you, oh wide internet.

Allison's Really Fantastic Hummus
An Epic in Two Parts

Part One: In Which the Epic Heroine Substitutes Most of the Ingredients
(Ingredients.)

1 (15ozish) can of chick peas, drained.
2 huge cloves of garlic.
1 normal sized clove of garlic.
2 tablespoons lemon juice, doesn't have to be fresh unless money grows on trees and you like juicing the things.
2 tablespoons nonfat Greek yogurt--yes, yogurt! Trust me.
1.5 tablespoons sesame oil. I know you're supposed to put tahini in this shit, but my local Associated Market does not carry it, and chances are yours doesn't either. You may not even have an Associated Market! Even if you do and it does, I recommend using plain old sesame oil, because what the fuck else do you use tahini for? Right, nothing.
1 teaspoon cumin.
1 pinch salt.
Several uncounted dashes of cayenne pepper.

Part Two: In Which the Ingredients are Turned into Mush

Drop all of your ingredients into a blender or food processor. I don't actually own a food processor, but I suspect that the use of one would make your hummus-making life a great deal easier. I don't even have a GOOD blender, so this was a lot more irritating than it needed to be. I had to scrape the bowl down about eight times, and it STILL never got silky silky. In the end I got lazy, and the hummus had the texture of chopped liver, with some chickpeas still intact, but it wasn't unpleasant. And it tasted really fucking good. Best mush I've had in weeks.